They must be handing them out like fucking CANDY out here in the upper midwest……Driver’s Licenses, I mean.
Where in the fuckin’ training manual does it say to drive 35 mph in the fast lane when it’s not bumper to bumper traffic?? Where in the manual does it say to drive 39 mph right next to the guy driving 35 mph, thus, forming a fucking wall? There’s either some really good weed up here, really lax d.u.i. laws, or the people are just blatantly retarded.
I hate the fact that when I wanna switch lanes because the shithead in front of me is driving like a 200 year old lady, the guy in the lane that I wanna get into will speed up so I can’t switch lanes. What does that accomplish…? Do you OWN that fucking lane? You know what it accomplishes now? Me going out of my way to make the rest of your commute a living, violent hell. I will cut you off, do a circle, and cut you off AGAIN. And flip you off. And any other thing that people with road rage like me do.
When I’m driving to work, which takes 90-120 minutes, I believe in efficiency. The kind of efficiency that means going at lease 5-10 mph over the speed limit. The kind that means fast guys in the fast lane, and others in the other lane. The kind of efficiency that says: “I know where I’m going, and I want to get there fast, so stay off my highway”. Yeah that’s right. My highway. Tom Harris memorial fuckin freeway/interchange/off ramp.
I learned to drive on the Highways and Bi-ways of southern California. The 405. The 5. The 605. The 710. The 55. The 91. The 60.Freeways that, when traffic’s bad, traffic’s BAD. But it’s only bad because there’s just too many people. As soon as it simmers down, people know where they wanna go, and they get there fast.Not up here for some reason.Here, the clock hasn’t been invented yet.Here, people think of driving like chess: Each move has to take time, be thought out, and have no remorse for you opponent. I think of it like going to the grocery store: Get in there, know what you want, handle your shit, and get to where you’re going.
And what’s with Johnny law here? I think I have a g.p.s. locator chip implanted in my neck or something. No matter where I go here, I see a cluster of marauding state troopers just waiting to throw the berries on and make their quota.I was quite happy with myself though, the other day…….I was speeding, and zipped right past a trooper, who looked right into my eyes as I drove boy, set his radar down, and gave me a ‘you’re fucked’ nod with his head. I had 2 choices. Slow down, start pulling over to the side, submit and comply, and then bend over to take it popcorn dry. Or, Put the hammer down, head for the exit and hideout for a couple seconds behind the gas station, which I knew was right there. What do you think ol’World half empty did?………So remember folks, buckle up, sit down, and hold on. And stuff.
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